Today is September 28, day 16 of my first chemo cycle. I am feeling almost normal and have for the last few days. Just more fatigued than usual but otherwise good. And I am enjoying it. I am enjoying tasting food again, being able to eat it and not have it run right through me. The intestinal issue continued until last Friday. Imodium didn't help and a prescription for Lomotil helped only a little. On Friday evening, after reading lots of info on the Internet, I decided to start taking a probiotic, specificly Lactobacillus GG. Whether it was the probiotic or just the issue running its course, I felt much better by the weekend! Yeah!! I am continuing to take the probiotic and am hoping (a lot) that it will help during my next chemo cycle.
This whole process has been fascinating. Before the first chemotherapy infusion I didn't know what to expect. I had been told what the likely side effects would be, but I didn't know which, if any,would happen. Now, going into the second infusion, I don't have the fear of the unknown. Now it is the fear of what I know will likely happen. But, after Monday, I will be 1/3 of the way through the tough part of the chemo. And that is great!
The most visible side effect of the chemo is the hair loss - and it is starting. As I sat on the couch this weekend just absent-mindedly running my fingers through my hair, I realized that lots of strands were coming out in my hands. As I would style it the last few mornings, more and more was coming out in my hands. I can still style my hair to look somewhat decent but not much longer. I hope I am ready for this but, whether or not I am doesn't really matter. The hair is coming out and I will soon be using the wig that is waiting on my dressser. I am trying to be positive - it is much easier and quicker to put on a wig than to style my fine straight hair. But I am sure there will be some tears as well - it is strange how attached we women get to our hair.
When I left my job at St. Tim's I thought "Wow, during most of the next few months I will probably feel good and look at all the projects I can get done around the house!" Not so much!! The fatigue is more than I thought it would be and I am finding it hard to get my head into those projects. But that is okay - the projects will be here when the chemo is done and I will be able to attack them with renewed gusto!
Matt opened in "The Music Man" last weekend at the Lyric Light Operea in the Seattle area. He, along with his barbarshop quartet, are playing the school board and, from all reports, are doing a fantastic job! I had so wanted to get out to Seattle to see him in the play but it is not going to happen. But Mike is going out for the second weekend in October. I am thrilled that he is able to go and am looking forward to a detailed report on the performances.
I am anxious for the next chemo to start - the sooner I get to each infusion, the sooner they will be done. And I am realizing that though the side effects are not fun at all, they are totally manageable and, with the support I get from Mike, my boys and wonderful "daughter", my exceptional sister and everyone who is praying for me, I am more than fine - I am great - for today at least :) and that's all I can ask for.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
One Down, Five to Go...and they suck!!
Today is day 8 of my first cycle of chemo. This has been a humbling experience. Those innocuous bags of clear liquid that were streamed into my body on September 12th looked harmless enough. And for the first 24 hours it seemed that all would be fine. Tuesday afternoon I felt like I had been hit by a truck of fatigue - not normal "I've been busy" tiredness but an extreme version. At that point I thought "I can handle this, I can just take it easy and wait a few days for this to pass, this is not so bad." I thought I was just too tired to eat, not nauseous at all. However, everything tastes "weird", can't really describe how, not the metallic taste I read about but nothing tastes right. And then, on Wednesday, the gastric stuff started. I felt like I had been punched in the lower abdomen and just hurt all the time. And the runs began... and kept going and going. I could not eat and, if I tried, it just went right through. By yesterday I headed back to Dr. Andrews office and saw the nurse/practitioner. The scale showed that I had lost 11 pounds in the 7 days since my infusion.Blood counts were done and, as expected, my white blood count is extremely low. But this is to be expected. The shot of Neulasta that I had last Tuesday will kick in and take care of that. I was told to just take lots of Imodium - that should take care of it. It didn't. This evening I got a prescription for Lomotil, hopefully this will help. My fatigue is improving and if my intestines would just quiet down, I really wouldn't feel so bad.
What I am having a problem with is that I am anticipating the same reaction to each of the next 5 treatments. I am hoping that there is some pre-medication that will help now that we know how I react. Or maybe reactions change each time?? :) I still have my hair - I was told it would be 2-3 weeks before it would start coming out. I am realistic about it and hope I am prepared. But how prepared can you really be for something like that??
Today is September 20. If the remainder of my treatments are able to stay on schedule, my last TCH should be December 26. That is only a little more that 3 months!! Sounds so much better than 4 months! :) It gets harder to remember but I can do anything for 3 months!! :) With God, my family and friends, with all their love and support, I really have nothing to complain about. Just visit an oncologist's office to get some perspective on what you think are your big problems.
Important: Thursday, September 22, is my wonderful husband Mike's 60th birthday. As you may imagine, there is no party or big dinner planned. And he doesn't care. He tells me all he wants for his birthday is for me to feel better. I know that I have mentioned how wonderful he has been with all of this but it can't come close to explaining what a wonderful man he is. I have known Mike for 44 years. We have grown up together. We have been married for 38 years and,as you can imagine, there have definitely been ups and downs. But Mike is my rock. The place I feel safest in the world is in his arms when he hugs me. As I type this, wrapped on the couch in a blanket, he is cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, loading the dryer, after working all day and then picking up my Rx. Later he will call his mom, which he does most every night, just to touch base. He is not only a fantastic husband, but a stellar son as well! Sorry Mike for embarrassing you but I had to say it!! <3
As I have said before, I am keeping this blog for myself, to try and remember this journey. In doing that, I have to be honest with how I feel at the moment, even if it is not great. That doesn't mean that my attitude is down - I work hard at trying to stay positive. Knowing that I continue to be in God's grip reassures me that all will be well.
What I am having a problem with is that I am anticipating the same reaction to each of the next 5 treatments. I am hoping that there is some pre-medication that will help now that we know how I react. Or maybe reactions change each time?? :) I still have my hair - I was told it would be 2-3 weeks before it would start coming out. I am realistic about it and hope I am prepared. But how prepared can you really be for something like that??
Today is September 20. If the remainder of my treatments are able to stay on schedule, my last TCH should be December 26. That is only a little more that 3 months!! Sounds so much better than 4 months! :) It gets harder to remember but I can do anything for 3 months!! :) With God, my family and friends, with all their love and support, I really have nothing to complain about. Just visit an oncologist's office to get some perspective on what you think are your big problems.
Important: Thursday, September 22, is my wonderful husband Mike's 60th birthday. As you may imagine, there is no party or big dinner planned. And he doesn't care. He tells me all he wants for his birthday is for me to feel better. I know that I have mentioned how wonderful he has been with all of this but it can't come close to explaining what a wonderful man he is. I have known Mike for 44 years. We have grown up together. We have been married for 38 years and,as you can imagine, there have definitely been ups and downs. But Mike is my rock. The place I feel safest in the world is in his arms when he hugs me. As I type this, wrapped on the couch in a blanket, he is cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, loading the dryer, after working all day and then picking up my Rx. Later he will call his mom, which he does most every night, just to touch base. He is not only a fantastic husband, but a stellar son as well! Sorry Mike for embarrassing you but I had to say it!! <3
As I have said before, I am keeping this blog for myself, to try and remember this journey. In doing that, I have to be honest with how I feel at the moment, even if it is not great. That doesn't mean that my attitude is down - I work hard at trying to stay positive. Knowing that I continue to be in God's grip reassures me that all will be well.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tomorrow Scares Me...
Tomorrow morning I will have the first of the 6 infusions of TCH. It is expected to take at least 5 hours. I don't know how I will feel - either tomorrow or in the next 3 weeks - until the next infusion. That unknown factor is tough - reading the message boards makes it sound awful but then again, I tend to believe that it is those with the biggest problems that seek out and post on those message boards. The literature on TCH lists a host of "common" side effects, some more onerous than others. Will I be effected by those? I don't know. I am really trying to keep an upbeat attitude - I know I will lose my hair and have some aches and pains " - probably nothing else (I hope :) ).
Mike is going with me to the oncologist tomorrow and will stay with me for the whole 5 hours - he is sooooo fantastic!!! As I have said before, I don't think I could have gotten through the last 2 months as well as I have without him. Today after church, we visited our local casino. We left donations at both places.:) Then we went out to our favorite restaurant, Applebees, for a great lunch. Hopefully it won't be too long before I feel like another great lunch at Applebees.
The last week and a half have been interesting and quiet. On Friday, September 2nd I had a medi-port placed in my upper chest. It is under the skin but can definitely be felt. It will make the infusions much easier, preventing my veins from getting "burned" by the chemotherapy drugs. The procedure at the hospital was easy and Mike and I were home by 1pm. Last weekend was quiet - I was back at church for the first time since my mastectomy and I was really overwhelmed by the amount of love and hugs I received. This is so much a part of what keeps me calm and happy! Tuesday I had an appointment with my "other oncologist" - Dr. Misas, a gynecological oncologist who performed my hysterectomy in 2008 and who I continue to see every 6 months for follow-ups. Everything was good -I really needed to hear that :) I also had a fitting for my regular breast prosthesis - trying them on with my clothes made me feel more "normal" - like what i looked like before August 18th. It was kind of fun trying to decide how "voluptuous" I wanted to be but I settled on something close to my pre-surgical size. The rest of the week was spent doing laundry and ironing, cleaning the house, food shopping and overall just getting organized for the unknown that will come tomorrow.
I cannot forget that today is September 11. 2011 - the 10th anniversary of the horrific attack. A childhood neighbor of Mike's was killed. He was FDNY, as was his older brother who eventually found his body. Being former New Yorkers and being old enough to remember when the towers were first built, it was weird and so very sad the first time we went to Staten Island and saw the skyline of lower Manhattan without the towers. It is incomprehensible to me to think of all those that died on that day, either the innocents caught in the chaos or the true heroes that ran into those buildings to save others. A tragedy of that magnitude can really put things in your life in perspective - I have breast cancer, had surgery, will have chemo (which will end) and that sucks. But is NOTHING like what the families of the 9/11 victims have gone through. And honestly, it is nothing like the soldiers stationed in Afghanistan for a year at a time (and sometimes repeatedly) and their families go through as they fight for out freedom and safety. My nephew-in-law is stationed in Afghanistan. He and my niece married on 1/15/11, he left a few days later for more training and he deployed in April. They have never had the time to be newlyweds and now she stays busy as she worries and waits for Jamie to come home in February. How can I complain about 4 months of some sucky stuff - I can't!!
As I say in most of my posts. it is my strong faith in the Lord and the knowledge that I am "in his grip" that gives me comfort and peace. And I know the Lord is with Jamie in Afghanistan and Erica, my niece, as she waits for him. We all can be comforted by that knowledge - a saying I have often read on those cute little plaques in the gift stores is "Lord, there in nothing you and I can't handle together." So true!!!
Mike is going with me to the oncologist tomorrow and will stay with me for the whole 5 hours - he is sooooo fantastic!!! As I have said before, I don't think I could have gotten through the last 2 months as well as I have without him. Today after church, we visited our local casino. We left donations at both places.:) Then we went out to our favorite restaurant, Applebees, for a great lunch. Hopefully it won't be too long before I feel like another great lunch at Applebees.
The last week and a half have been interesting and quiet. On Friday, September 2nd I had a medi-port placed in my upper chest. It is under the skin but can definitely be felt. It will make the infusions much easier, preventing my veins from getting "burned" by the chemotherapy drugs. The procedure at the hospital was easy and Mike and I were home by 1pm. Last weekend was quiet - I was back at church for the first time since my mastectomy and I was really overwhelmed by the amount of love and hugs I received. This is so much a part of what keeps me calm and happy! Tuesday I had an appointment with my "other oncologist" - Dr. Misas, a gynecological oncologist who performed my hysterectomy in 2008 and who I continue to see every 6 months for follow-ups. Everything was good -I really needed to hear that :) I also had a fitting for my regular breast prosthesis - trying them on with my clothes made me feel more "normal" - like what i looked like before August 18th. It was kind of fun trying to decide how "voluptuous" I wanted to be but I settled on something close to my pre-surgical size. The rest of the week was spent doing laundry and ironing, cleaning the house, food shopping and overall just getting organized for the unknown that will come tomorrow.
I cannot forget that today is September 11. 2011 - the 10th anniversary of the horrific attack. A childhood neighbor of Mike's was killed. He was FDNY, as was his older brother who eventually found his body. Being former New Yorkers and being old enough to remember when the towers were first built, it was weird and so very sad the first time we went to Staten Island and saw the skyline of lower Manhattan without the towers. It is incomprehensible to me to think of all those that died on that day, either the innocents caught in the chaos or the true heroes that ran into those buildings to save others. A tragedy of that magnitude can really put things in your life in perspective - I have breast cancer, had surgery, will have chemo (which will end) and that sucks. But is NOTHING like what the families of the 9/11 victims have gone through. And honestly, it is nothing like the soldiers stationed in Afghanistan for a year at a time (and sometimes repeatedly) and their families go through as they fight for out freedom and safety. My nephew-in-law is stationed in Afghanistan. He and my niece married on 1/15/11, he left a few days later for more training and he deployed in April. They have never had the time to be newlyweds and now she stays busy as she worries and waits for Jamie to come home in February. How can I complain about 4 months of some sucky stuff - I can't!!
As I say in most of my posts. it is my strong faith in the Lord and the knowledge that I am "in his grip" that gives me comfort and peace. And I know the Lord is with Jamie in Afghanistan and Erica, my niece, as she waits for him. We all can be comforted by that knowledge - a saying I have often read on those cute little plaques in the gift stores is "Lord, there in nothing you and I can't handle together." So true!!!
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