Done, Done, Done!

I haven't posted in quite a while.  This is a good thing in my mind because, as the title of this blog says, "Life is boring and this is good!" 

I have been receiving my Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks, with the last one on September 6th. That evening I flew down to Alabama to help my wonderful sister, Nancy, celebrate her 50th birthday.  She also kept telling people that we were also celebrating the end of the chemo!!  It actually felt odd leaving Dr. Andrew's office without an appointment for another treatment.  The nurses in the infusion area cheered for me and hugged me as I left that day!  Really wonderful people!

This past Monday, September 24th, I had a minor surgical procedure to remove the MediPort that had become so important to me for the last year.  All went well with this simple surgery - Mike and I were home from the hospital before noon.  But to me it was a truly milestone day - the official end of my cancer treatment!!!  I am done!!! Except for my twice yearly visits to the oncologist for followups, I am no longer a cancer patient.  It is now behind me!!!  Cancer is not part of my daily life anymore and there isn't even the physical port left anymore to remind me of it.  True - I obviously am not the same person physically that I was before the cancer diagnosis but I love the feeling of not being a cancer patient anymore.  I am now officially (at least to me) a cancer survivor.  I have survived the diagnosis, surgery and treatment!!! Yeah!!!  It is nice to really start making plans again for the future, both near and far.

And I really am looking forward to my "boring life."  I love that boring life - a little fun is always good but I don't want or need any more big curve balls thrown at me. 

The constants for the past year have been Mike, of course. - my "rock!"  Also my entire wonderful family - whether sending cards, calling me or Mike for an update, keeping me in their prayers or just listening to me talk when I needed it.  And of course my Father in heaven, in whose grip I felt so safe.

Thanks to all who have read my blog and followed my "ramblings" for the last year.  Writing this has been really good for me and it allowed me to get my thoughts out on "paper" (or computer screen) and save them.  As I have said, I don't journal and have never kept a diary.  But it is interesting and theraputic to be able to go back and read where I was at at various points throughout this journey.  And I am so looking forward to a long and healthy future!

"Normal" Feels So Good!

It has been over a month since I have written anything.  January was a tough month.  My last TCH chemo infusion was on December 27th.  As expected the side effects were the worst, especially the weakness and fatigue.  Even walking from room to room in the house was difficult.  This lasted for several weeks - causing me to have to postpone my return to my job at St. Tims.  I didn't even know if I would even be going back at all.  I saw the doctor, was told I was very dehydrated and received 2 bags of fluids IV.  I was feeling better, but not great, by the time of my next infusion, this time only the H - Herceptin.  Herceptin alone doesn't have the severe side effects of the T and the C. During  the routine blood work prior to this infusion, they discovered that I was severely anemic.  My hemoglobin was 7.4 and it should be over 12 - 14.  Dr. Andrews felt that this was a result of the chemo and that we should wait a few days to see if it would come up on its own, which it didn't so on January 24th I had my third transfusion.  I don't know if it was the transfusion or just the passing of time but I finally started to feel normal.  I'm not back to my full strength and stamina but for the first time in 5 months I can say that I feel somewhat "normal" and that is wonderful! 

After talking to Mike and praying about it, I decided to go back to my job at St. Tims.  I started back this past Tuesday and am really happy about it.  I have felt good at work, but am tired when I get home.  It is a "good" tired though , and even that feels better.  And it is so good to get off the couch and back to the world with other people.

I have my next Herceptin infusion next week but it should be fine.  I will still have MUGA scans to monitor my heart for damage and will need to see the oncologist for years to come.  But the worst of the treatment  is hopefully behind me.  The support and prayers of family and friends has been so important to me and really helped me.  Thanks to everyone!!    And thanks be to God!

Merry Christmas....and a Wonderful 2012!

Today is a quiet day, an extra day of feeling good this cycle.  I will be getting my 6th infusion tomorrow and it should be the last of the "bad ones"...I still have to receive Herceptin every 3 weeks for another 9 months but I am told there should be no bad side effects and that my hair will start to grow back.  I have such mixed feelings about tomorrow - I am anxious to get it behind me, start feeling bad for a couple of weeks but know that it is the LAST TIME!  But the last cycle was really tough - I am told some of the side effects are cumulative so I am scared of the next 2 weeks.  But I have gotten through the last 4 months...what is 2 weeks more :).

Mike, Scott and I had a nice Christmas.  It was low-key and that was just fine for this year.  On Christmas Eve we had dinner with Mike's brother Rich and his wife Pat.  It was a wonderful dinner and the company was exceptional! :)  We went to the 7pm service at church on the way home and spoke to Matt when we got home.

Christmas morning was wonderful as well.  Presents, Norwegian waffles for breakfast (a long-standing tradition) and an hour+ with Matt and Steph on the webcam!  Not quite as good as being together but traveling between Seattle and Pennsylvania at this time of year is not something any of us want to do!  Lots of phone calls to family.  It was a really nice day!

2011 has been such an eventful year.  We traveled for the beautiful weddings of my nieces in January and May.  We helped Mike's mother get ready to sell her home in Florida in April.  We got together with all Mike's siblings in June to go through lots of stuff and wonderful memories.  And in July I got my breast cancer diagnosis.  The surgery and treatment has become all-consuming for the last 6 months and 2012 represents getting back to some semblence of normal life.  I am looking forward to returning to my job as part-time church secretary in mid-January.  I have a sisters' trip with Nancy planned and reserved for May.  I have projects in the house that I am anxious to get to - even "bottom-cleaning" the house with Mike this winter (the house has really been neglected for the last few months).  God has had me in his grip throughout 2011 - with wonderful celebrations and some of the hardest months of our lives.  And I know I will continue to be in his grip in the New Year as well!

5 Down, 1 to Go!

I had my fifth chemotherapy treatment on Monday.  Today I had my second red blood cell transfusion - 6 hours and boring!  Since I involuntarily became an experienced chemo patient, I know what to expect.  Week 1 and 2  of each chemo cycle are tough but week 3 of each cycle is pretty good - taste returns to near normal and energy improves.  It is an interesting feeling going for each treatment.  Someone asked if I dread it - not really.  I certainly don't look forward to the side effects that will inevitably come but each time I go for a treatment, I have one less to go through and that is very good.each cycle

I realized yesterday that one of the things I need is to feel in control in some way.  I couldn't control getting breast cancer but I could control how I react to it.  I can't control the side effects of the chemotherapy but I can try to control how I handle them.  It is hard to not get in a "funk" (as evidenced by my previous post) but I can try.  Mike says I am a really good patient, doing everything I have to do.  I don't really feel I have a choice but I have managed to stay healthy, stay on top of my assorted meds and rest as much as I can.  It helps to feel like I can control this much.

Thanksgiving was quiet but nice.  We talked with family on the phone and had a nice turkey roast dinner together.  Christmas is coming soon - thank goodness for online shopping :).  I am definitely cutting back - energy levels and money are not what they were - but I truly love the shopping that I can do.  What I feel the worst about though for this holiday season is that we are not having the big Picioccio Xmas !  We are getting together with Rich and Pat on Christmas Eve afternoon and that will be wonderful but it is not the same as the loud, fun, crowded gatherings of past years.  My chemo cycle and assorted work schedules made it impossible for this year but we definitely need to make a point of renewing our gatherings next year.

One of the interesting things I realized as I typed this blog is that this holiday season is very different for me.  I guess because I can't do that much, my focus is different. I am thinking more about family and their love and prayers for me and mine for them.  My young nieces and nephews have so much going on in their lives and they are always in my prayers.  God is watching over our whole family and I am so much more aware of this this year.  I know good things come from everything and I really feel like these last 5 months have shown me how much I have to be grateful for.

Chemo Really Sucks!

I haven't blogged in almost 3 weeks - one entire cycle.  I am firmly entrenched in the midst of the chemotherapy.  It feels like it has been going on forever and yet I have just passed the mid-point.  And it is really affecting me at this point.  The physical side effects are always there - the bad taste that makes eating anything extremely difficult that lasts from day 2 to day 12; the intestinal issues and pain and diarrhea that last for over 2 weeks each cycle, the fatigue that just gets worse and worse, the hair loss that still shocks me each time I pass a mirror, the constantly runny eyes and nose (which now has become a bloody nose) and most recently the loss of my eyelashes.  I can't wear make-up anymore because it make my runny eyes even worse.  And I hate wearing a wig - even though everyone tells me it looks good, I feel very self-conscious in it.  And of course the "fake boobs" are heavy and not the most comfortable item to wear either.

When I had infusion #3 on October 24th, my blood work showed that my hemoglobin was very low, making me quite anemic.  Knowing that future infusions would probably make this worse, I was sent for a transfusion.  On Thursday, October 27th, I was at Holy Spirit Hospital for 6 hours to receive 2 units of packed red blood cells.  My wonderful sister Nancy was with me the whole time. My blood was checked a few days later and the hemoglobin was in the normal range.  I wonder if this will happen again before I finish the chemo.

Nancy's visit ended with the surprise October snowstorm.  She was scheduled to fly out of Baltimore on Saturday morning but, with the forecast of 6-10 inched of snow, she changed her ticket Friday morning and flew home Friday night.  I had a great time with her!

This is the end of my "good week" but it is not as good a week as the last cycle and I suspect that will be the case next time.  I am having a harder and harder time keeping a positive outlook and have definitely been having a "pity party" for myself.  I have had more tears this week than I have had this whole time.  I wonder if this "funk" that I feel is somewhat normal for this point in the process - enough chemo to feel really crappy but still pretty far from the end. 

Monday is my 4th TCH infusion.  I know enough now to be able to plan out my time based on how I will probably feel.  Mike, my "rock", will be with me and  that makes it so much less stressful.   I realized this weekend that I feel better - and calmer - with Mike at home.  Not feeling great for so long has me feeling very vulnerable.  With Mike here, I am so much more comfortable.  Reminding myself that I am in God's grip is also a constant for me - and brings peace to me even in the midst of a "pity party."

Note:  As I said when I started writing this blog, I siad that it was primarily for me - trying to keep track of this journey through breast cancer.  I realize that this posting is more of a downer than others but that is where I am right now and I want to stay true to my purpose.

Almost Halfway Done...

It is Sunday evening.  Tomorrow I receive my 3rd TCH chemotherapy infusion.  I will receive a total of 6 TCH infusions so after tomorrow I will be halfway done.  I am so anxious to get there tomorrow and get to that 50% goal.  My sister Nancy is visiting me this week.  She arrived yesterday and will be here until next Saturday.  This weekend I have been feeling really good.  Yesterday we went out and did some shopping and today we went to the local casino (broke even - not bad!).  Tomorrow she will take me to the oncologist and will be with me this week as the side effects kick in and I start feeling "not so great."  She asked me tonight if I was dreading getting the chemo tomorrow.  No, like I said above, I am anxious to get it to get one closer to the end.  Then she asked if i am dreading the side effects, the intense fatigue and the painful intestinal issues.  Actually, no I am not.  I know that is part of the process and again, it will be one less "sucky week and a half" that I will have to go through before the tough part of the chemo is over.

I have started having some new constant side effects in the last 10 days.  My nose runs "like a faucet" and my eyes tear a great deal.  From what I have read on the online message boards, these are expected and in fact, the runny nose may be from the Herceptin and, if that is the case, will continue for almost the next year.  These are annoying issues but totally manageable.   I will be asking my oncologist if there is anything I can do for them.

This last cycle was tough.  Side effects were definitely not fun but the scary part was that on day 7 I started running a fever. I was not really high by normal standards - it ran up to 100.8 - but for someone with a compromised immune system, I needed to call the doctor.  I was told to come in, found out I had lost 13 pounds in that 7 days ( but I have already gained most of it back again), got a prescription for an antibiotic and spent about 2 hours getting some IV fluids.  The fever went down to around 100, which was OK with the doctor, and the weakness improved.  I really didn't start to feel better or get an appetite or taste back until day 11 and the last week has been good.  I even went into work at St. Tims for about 4 hours last week which felt really good.

Mike was able to go to Seattle 2 weeks ago and saw Matt is The Music Man twice.  Mike tells me that the play was great but Matt, especially, was fantastic.  His quartet got one on the bigger cheers of the curtain call and they did a superb job. Bravo, Matt!  Mike also went out with Matt and Stephanie for a combined birthday dinner (Mike is September 22 and Matt is October 2) at Tropea in Redmond.  Tropea is the best Italian restaurant we have ever been to and even though I was at home in PA and had no appetite at the time, I had to hear the details of the great meal they had.

Nancy being here this week is so good for me.  She is an incredible sister and my best friend (other than Mike :) ).  It is a great distraction from all the crappy stuff to have her here and it is so nice for Mike that he will get this chemo day off since she is taking me tomorrow.  What I love is that we don't have to do anything for the rest of the week but sit and watch TV together but it makes me feel so good.

During the worst of the cycle, it is hard to keep the good outlook. I so want to quit the chemo but then things turn around and I start to feel better.  If they didn't, it would be so hard to go back to the oncologist tomorrow and start the cycle again.  Feeling good before each infusion is so important.  It is as if God is propping me up and getting me so ready to move forward and do what I need to do.  Thanks be to God!

2 Down, 4 to Go...and a Life Lesson

It is a quiet Sunday morning.  I received my second chemotherapy infusion last Monday.  With some new strategies from the oncologist, I have been able to avoid most of the intestinal issues this time, but the fatigue and weakness is even greater that before.  I understand this is normal...that it can be cumulative during the course of the chemo.  If being tired is the worst of it, it is so manageable.  "Vegging out" on the couch is not too tough to take :)  What isn't fun is the taste changes...it is difficult to have everything, even water, taste really "off."  I am drinking water though and some Italian ices and the weight that is falling off now will be back next week when I get my taste and appetite back.

Mike is in Seattle visiting Matt this weekend.  Matt is performing in a production of "The Music Man" put on by Seattle's Lyric Light Opera. He, along with his barbershop quartet, are featured as the school board and, from all reports, are getting huge responses from the audience!!  When Matt was cast is the musical, we had all planned to go out to see the play but flying is not really a good idea for me right now.  So Mike is representing Matt's parental unit at the play.  I am waiting his morning to hear what Mike's reaction to last night's performance was... and I am so jealous that I was not able to be on this trip :(  But I have a feeling that this will not be Matt's last musical!  Maybe next time.

This last week also marked the start of my needing to wear my wig.  At the moment, my hair is at that point of the scary lady in the horror movies - I have about 10% left, sticking out at all angles.  My wig, however, is not bad to look at.  It doesn't feel great, but it does look pretty good - probably better that my normal hairstyle would be :)

The lesson I learned this week, and it is a big one, is to make sure to get all the medical screenings that your doctor recommends for you.  I have always had my mammograms on time and my cancer was found on a routine mammogram, not being felt at all and it is stage 1 and very treatable.  This past Monday, I shared my chemo room with a very nice lady, probably about the same age as me.  She also had breast cancer, getting the same treatment as me but she was stage 4.  She had not seen her doctor regularly and had not been getting mammograms when recommended.  She was not diagnosed until she had symptoms from the metastatic brain lesions that had come from her breast cancer.  She told me she was incurable.  I hope she is wrong about that but she will undoubtedly have a much harder time than I will.  Get your mammograms, and colonoscopies and whatever other screening tests that your doctor recommends.  The discomfort of those tests is NOTHING compared to the treatment for the cancer that might be hiding!!  Sorry for getting on my soapbox but I do feel strongly about it!!

This 2nd round of chemo is so much easier because I know that in the next week I will be feeling so much better.  It really is the unknown that is the scariest.  And I am not really scared at all.  As a matter of fact, I am anxious to receive each chemo - it gets me one closer to the end of the treatment and I know that, with God's grip firmly on me and the love and support of everyone, I can handle this - no problem!